specialdog | Catch-All for Minato

specialdog

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

specialdog

Mm. Maybe we're not as alike when I'm like this, but...

[ Well, she wanted to be more like this version of herself, too. ]

From:

compendiem

But... how you were before?

[ She mentioned it only a little, but never talked much about it; Minato didn't push, and he doesn't want to now. Still... ]

I think I sort of get it. But maybe I'm wrong. How people are just a bit different, depending on who they're with. I kind of like who I am, when I'm with you.

From:

specialdog

[ Akane is finally ready to talk about this with him... But not with any modicum of vulnerability, so she's back to her usual cheerful mask when she looks back to him. Maybe if she talks about it like it's lighthearted, it will feel less serious? ]

The world is scary. It's big, and it's hard to be around people. It's hard to get along with them and face them all the time. I was always afraid.

So - I created my own world. A world where I'm in control of everything and everyone. Where I can make everyone love me. Where I could be whatever I wanted, and still be sure of exactly how everyone felt about me.

From:

compendiem

[ Minato's quiet as he listens, staring back at her with a quiet confusion that's isn't because he doesn't believe her, and more because he's trying to understand. It's a fantastical thing, a story straight out of a video game or a movie, but the past year of his life had also felt the same. ]

The world is scary... that's what I told Four, too. But look at you. You became a god. That's kind of awesome.

[ That's one way to deal with it?? He's impressed. ]

From:

specialdog

[ She's glad he thinks so. Her shoulders relax--she hadn't meant to tense them up to begin with. ]

That's why a place like this is so hard. I'm just a person again, here. I can't set how people think of me.

[ ... But he likes her anyway...? ]

From:

compendiem

Yeah... Being a person's really tough. Not everybody's going to like you, no matter how hard you try... but there will be people who do. And those people matter. That's sort of how I feel. I like you, and a lot of other people do too.

[ do not ask for citation, this is optimism and rose colored glasses speaking ]

From:

specialdog

[ Citation needed.

... Oh well. ]

But how do you deal with it? With the people who don't like you? Or don't understand you, or won't help you...?

[ Because that's the thing--Akane never learned to deal with it. She just ran away. ]

From:

compendiem

[ That's a lot more complicated, when he's always surprised to hear people like him, is convinced that nobody understands him, and believes people try to help him too much when he doesn't need that help.

He squeezes Akane's hand a little tighter, physical reassurance where he's not sure he can put all his feelings into words. ]

I tell myself I don't care... that people's opinions of me don't matter, because they don't affect me. But that's the wrong way about it, I think. I want to be able to care... When somebody dislikes me, I want to learn why, if there's anything I can do to change that.

But in the end... people's opinions are their own. That's just something I have to accept, and respect.

From:

specialdog

[ Hm. She hates this, actually! Vulnerability is bad, and the answer to "how do you deal with the fact that some people won't think you're perfect" is a disappointingly simple, "you just have to accept it, and move on, and focus on the people that do like you."

She wouldn't have run away to her own world if she could accept and follow advice like that.

She squeezes back, but then pulls away from him a bit abruptly, because hey, look at that, it's the kitchens! And she is just, wow, just so busy flipping through this cookbook over here. ]

From:

compendiem

[ /:

Minato trails in after her, but rather than going to the cupboards to find ingredients and mixing bowls and whatever, he walks he behind her, wraps his arms loosely around her, head on her shoulder and mumbles into her ear and he can do this because he's her boyfriend and that is entirely Akane's fault. ]

Are you upset at me?

From:

specialdog

[ She tenses for just a moment, but it's probably just that she was startled. She doesn't make any move to get away. ]

I'm not mad at you. I'm just mad.

From:

compendiem

[ She doesn't move, so Minato doesn't either, closing his eyes and letting his head rest against Akane's. ]

Because we have to change for the world, and not the other way around?

From:

specialdog

[ She relaxes, leaning back against him lightly. Things Akane likes about Minato: 1. Relatable. 2. Doesn't ever call her out on her bullshit. Which makes it easier to shift into a more casual mood--she feels like she can just bitch at him and it'll be fine. ]

Yeah. It's a haaaaassle.

From:

compendiem

[ Has Akane been bullshitting at him... Minato's just been agreeing with everything she says bc it's like "yeah, same"

Because in some ways, they're really the same, and he's not sure he likes that, not sure that's what he wants for Akane, but it's comfortable anyways, just being here with her, tucked against her back. ]

Yeah, it is. It'd be easier if we could just be whatever, and the world would love us unequivocally anyways. The closest thing to that, I guess... is finding people who mean the world to you.

From:

specialdog

[ Not bullshitting him, exactly. Just... Plenty of people would think it's bullshit to be so afraid of the things she's afraid of. Normal parts of just being alive. Just being a person, just being in the world.

It's nice to talk to someone who understands those fears, even if he always seems to accept it all with much less... Rage... Than Akane does. ]

I don't need to do that.

[ She can't do that. She doesn't want to do that. She has her own world where everyone will just love her unequivocally and she just needs to get back to it. ]

From:

compendiem

[ Honestly... Minato thinks along those lines as well, but he was surprised to learn that he isn't as alone in that opinion as he thought, and Akane would learn this too, if she opened up and talked about it. Which is the hardest thing to do, sometimes, but Akane still has something Minato doesn't.

Rage.

Rage and action, compared to Minato's fear and acceptance, things he admires so much compared being stuck in stasis for so long because he had nothing to live for, nobody to make the effort for— not until recently, anyways. ]

Yeah, you don't have to. But it's always an option.

[ He presses his lips against the side of Akane's neck, just soft and light enough that it doesn't count for Dana's smooch counter, and pulls his arms away to let her go. ]

Know that... no matter what, I'll stay by your side. Forever and always, as long as I live.

From:

specialdog

[ An option...

But it's still so scary. If you pick people to care about, pick people who care about you, what if they stop? If you're not in control of them, how can you be sure of how they feel? That they'll feel that way forever?

... How is she supposed to trust anything he says...? Just because they're alike? She's afraid to say anything back, to repeat those sentiments to him, because how can anyone make promises like that? Even if it feels like saying it back would come naturally. Even if she wants to stay by his side.

Akane brings her hand up and rubs self consciously at her neck. Then moves on, taking the recipe book and turning it out towards him. She's found a simple funfetti cake recipe! Let's talk about! This! Now! Okay! ]

... Is something like this okay?

From:

compendiem

[ It's scary and Minato never knows what anybody is thinking, but that's probably more on him than anybody else, saying his piece and never minding whatever other people are thinking because that's not up to him.

He can control little things, like what sort of cake he wants to eat on his fake birthday. ]

Yeah, it looks great. Sprinkles are fun to chew on, even if they taste weird.

[ He loves sprinkles. ]

From:

specialdog

[ ... She laughs. Minato is so weird sometimes???

After a moment, she leans forward to give him a quick peck on the lips, but then she's busying herself getting out everything they need to make this cake! ]

Weird, how? They don't have a taste.

From:

compendiem

[ The flavor of sprinkles is literally one of the least weird things he's said, in his opinion, but whatever argument he has in mind just sort of fizzles away when gets that kiss, and the next moment Akane is over by the cupboards getting out the flour before he even has time to process any of that.

Alright.

Cool.

His first kiss that didn't immediately follow up with getting slapped.

He'll go get the eggs. ]

...They taste weird because they should taste like rainbows, but they don't taste like anything. That's why it's weird.

From:

specialdog

[ She's shy, okay! Even if she's covering it up pretty well. Sounding normal. Nice. Cool. Good. ]

... What exactly do you think rainbows should taste like...?

From:

compendiem

[ whispers into my hands, "I'm shy" Hisoka said that to him too and I'm crying ]

Something lighter, I guess... Like macarons? Mini macaron drops that sort of disappear like air but they're still colorful.

[ That's not a flavor... but it's that sort of idea. Sprinkles are chalky ): ]

From:

specialdog

[ please don't compare your gf to hisoka in romantic moments ]

That... Doesn't make any sense. But I wonder what we could make that would really be like that...

[ c... cotton candy......??? ]