Catch-All for Minato

[specialdog]

Comments

[compendiem]

I mean... I would buy myself cake, if I knew what day it was. But celebrations involve people.

[ And he doesn't have people— friends, family, anything like that. ]

[specialdog]

Celebrating can look like whatever you want it to look like. If that's just having some cake by yourself, that's fine.

[ She is misunderstanding his lack of friends and family for a lack of desire for those things, but okay. ]

[compendiem]

I guess... I could have birthday cake every day. There's nothing stopping me.

[specialdog]

You'll get sick if you do that...

[compendiem]

[ Minato is so close to making a bet out of this, but that's how Naminé got him to drink nothing but coffee for a full week, and he's trying to be better. ]

What about one bite of birthday cake a day?

[specialdog]

[ That's also how Namine almost got murdered. :) ]

I think that would be fine. It's not that bad to have a liiiittle bit of sweets every day. But I think you'd get tired of it if you had it every day.

[compendiem]

[ hey what does that mean cola ]

That balanced diet thing, huh... Four was talking to me about that too. You don't have a favorite food you'd never get sick of. I want to be able to cook something you'd enjoy too.

[specialdog]

[ Don't worry about it. ]

I don't think I have anything I'd never get tired of. It's hard for me to even pick one food to call my favorite to begin with.

[compendiem]

[ hm ]

...Last time, when we were talking about cooking, you said you liked vegetables. You're already eating a lot better than I am. You really take care of yourself, huh? You make it look easy...

[specialdog]

[ Hm. She looks away. ]

... Maybe in some ways. But you and I are alike.

[compendiem]

...You think so?

[ He smiles a little, but he has to wonder how alike they really are. ]

I wish I could be more like you, honestly.

[specialdog]

Mm. Maybe we're not as alike when I'm like this, but...

[ Well, she wanted to be more like this version of herself, too. ]

[compendiem]

But... how you were before?

[ She mentioned it only a little, but never talked much about it; Minato didn't push, and he doesn't want to now. Still... ]

I think I sort of get it. But maybe I'm wrong. How people are just a bit different, depending on who they're with. I kind of like who I am, when I'm with you.

[specialdog]

[ Akane is finally ready to talk about this with him... But not with any modicum of vulnerability, so she's back to her usual cheerful mask when she looks back to him. Maybe if she talks about it like it's lighthearted, it will feel less serious? ]

The world is scary. It's big, and it's hard to be around people. It's hard to get along with them and face them all the time. I was always afraid.

So - I created my own world. A world where I'm in control of everything and everyone. Where I can make everyone love me. Where I could be whatever I wanted, and still be sure of exactly how everyone felt about me.

[compendiem]

[ Minato's quiet as he listens, staring back at her with a quiet confusion that's isn't because he doesn't believe her, and more because he's trying to understand. It's a fantastical thing, a story straight out of a video game or a movie, but the past year of his life had also felt the same. ]

The world is scary... that's what I told Four, too. But look at you. You became a god. That's kind of awesome.

[ That's one way to deal with it?? He's impressed. ]

[specialdog]

[ She's glad he thinks so. Her shoulders relax--she hadn't meant to tense them up to begin with. ]

That's why a place like this is so hard. I'm just a person again, here. I can't set how people think of me.

[ ... But he likes her anyway...? ]

[compendiem]

Yeah... Being a person's really tough. Not everybody's going to like you, no matter how hard you try... but there will be people who do. And those people matter. That's sort of how I feel. I like you, and a lot of other people do too.

[ do not ask for citation, this is optimism and rose colored glasses speaking ]

[specialdog]

[ Citation needed.

... Oh well. ]

But how do you deal with it? With the people who don't like you? Or don't understand you, or won't help you...?

[ Because that's the thing--Akane never learned to deal with it. She just ran away. ]

[compendiem]

[ That's a lot more complicated, when he's always surprised to hear people like him, is convinced that nobody understands him, and believes people try to help him too much when he doesn't need that help.

He squeezes Akane's hand a little tighter, physical reassurance where he's not sure he can put all his feelings into words. ]

I tell myself I don't care... that people's opinions of me don't matter, because they don't affect me. But that's the wrong way about it, I think. I want to be able to care... When somebody dislikes me, I want to learn why, if there's anything I can do to change that.

But in the end... people's opinions are their own. That's just something I have to accept, and respect.

[specialdog]

[ Hm. She hates this, actually! Vulnerability is bad, and the answer to "how do you deal with the fact that some people won't think you're perfect" is a disappointingly simple, "you just have to accept it, and move on, and focus on the people that do like you."

She wouldn't have run away to her own world if she could accept and follow advice like that.

She squeezes back, but then pulls away from him a bit abruptly, because hey, look at that, it's the kitchens! And she is just, wow, just so busy flipping through this cookbook over here. ]

[compendiem]

[ /:

Minato trails in after her, but rather than going to the cupboards to find ingredients and mixing bowls and whatever, he walks he behind her, wraps his arms loosely around her, head on her shoulder and mumbles into her ear and he can do this because he's her boyfriend and that is entirely Akane's fault. ]

Are you upset at me?

[specialdog]

[ She tenses for just a moment, but it's probably just that she was startled. She doesn't make any move to get away. ]

I'm not mad at you. I'm just mad.

[compendiem]

[ She doesn't move, so Minato doesn't either, closing his eyes and letting his head rest against Akane's. ]

Because we have to change for the world, and not the other way around?

[specialdog]

[ She relaxes, leaning back against him lightly. Things Akane likes about Minato: 1. Relatable. 2. Doesn't ever call her out on her bullshit. Which makes it easier to shift into a more casual mood--she feels like she can just bitch at him and it'll be fine. ]

Yeah. It's a haaaaassle.

[compendiem]

[ Has Akane been bullshitting at him... Minato's just been agreeing with everything she says bc it's like "yeah, same"

Because in some ways, they're really the same, and he's not sure he likes that, not sure that's what he wants for Akane, but it's comfortable anyways, just being here with her, tucked against her back. ]

Yeah, it is. It'd be easier if we could just be whatever, and the world would love us unequivocally anyways. The closest thing to that, I guess... is finding people who mean the world to you.